The Summer That Changed My Life

I have a vivid memory of me sitting in the living room of my apartment on a cold Sunday night in late February, desperately trying to figure out what I was supposed to do this summer. I spent hours on the internet browsing different ministry opportunities and I had handfuls of ministry brochures that I had collected throughout the year scattered at my feet. I remember being so overwhelmed at the seemingly hundreds of options I had before my eyes. I was determined to figure out what God's will for my life this summer was to be. I quickly realized that my Google search bar and brochures were hardly the right method for discovering His will, so I turned to prayer. I spent a lot of time in prayer that night, wanting to end with a final answer on a specific location and job. However, the only thing God wanted to tell me was that He was going to do big things to me this summer. Over and over again I felt His saying that to me. Although I was slightly irritated that I still had no idea where I was going to be (Fresno was not even on my radar at this point), I was really excited that God wanted to use me in big ways. I envisioned myself taking the Gospel to some unknown tribe in Africa. Or maybe I would work with troubled women and God wanted to use me to help get someone's life back on track for the Lord. I had so many ideas...I was just excited to see how God was going to work. I was fully confident that this would be a life-changing summer.

And then I went to Fresno to work with 1st-6th graders. As soon as I got here I forgot about God's huge plan for me, and I went about my job. Now don't get me wrong, I've loved every second of it. And I know that God has used me in the lives of these kids this summer. But I just recently remembered that Sunday night in my apartment and I realized that God was right. (Crazy, I know.) He has changed my life this summer. Selfishly, I had this idea that He was going to use me to work in the hearts and lives of others. I never stopped to think about the fact that maybe God wants to use this summer to work on my heart. Maybe He wants to change my life.

This summer I have experienced brokenness like I never have before. I have been broken physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Never before in my life has my body been completely flat on the floor, yet I so desperately wished that it could go lower. And never before have I felt the Lord lift me off the ground, out of the pit and tell me that I am worthy, I am loved. What sweet redemption that I have experienced this summer. God decided that He was going to fly me out to California, 2,000 miles away from anything I've ever known, and essentially kick my butt. He took a desperate attempt to grab my attention, and now He has it fully. I have never been this close to God; never felt so free in Christ. And this is only the beginning.

Never could I have imagined the way God chose to work in my life this summer. It's not the way I would have chosen for it to happen. But it did, and now I can honestly say that God did have huge plans in store for me this summer. I will always look back on my summer spent in Fresno as a pivitol point in my Christian journey.

But you know what the coolest part of this is? It's not even close to being over.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:6